Thursday, July 1, 2010

Wow, It's Been Awhile- Catching up

I am sorry we have been neglecting this blog, but, all three of us have been a bit caught up in our summers just as I am sure you have. I am glad to tell you that we have moved into our new home just this week! After 9 moves since college,now I am glad to say that I have a place that I intend to call home for a long time to come. (It has been 18 years; that is a move approximately every 2 years!).

I am also glad to write that the AVON Walk was a tremendous experience. I can't convey to you how emotional and rewarding it was to walk with so many people for one cause.
We had quite a bit of rain the first day and it was very hot, but, the 2nd was much cooler. My feet suffered a bit with blisters and fatigue, but, I told myself the following week that it is nothing compared to the pain of kemo. I am considering doing it again next year because it was such a positive experience and would gladly recommend it to anyone who wants to make a difference in this fight. Thanks to all of my supporters who helped me take part. Shari Silverman has won the gift certificate to Coopers Hawk Winery and Lisa Jorin won the personal mp3 player complete with a couple of motivating songs.

Happy 4th everyone - enjoy your holiday and I promise to rally the other girls and get back into it after the holidays barring any unforeseen circumstances;)

Friday, June 4, 2010

It's Here and I am Walking

Sorry for missing my usual post day yesterday- it has been a busy 4-day week. I am happy to say that I met my fundraising goal for the AVON Walk for Breast Cancer tomorrow. I will be at Soldier field for the opening ceremony bright and early at 5:45am. The weather in Chicago is going to be cooler (low to mid 70s), but, rainy so I will be wet, but, somehow I don't think it will matter - at least not for the first 10 miles or so...

I will be walking with two good friends Kristin Hanson and Alicia Rivera along with our team mates, the Holy Apostles Pink Ribbon Angels who have raised more than $82,000 dollars for the cause this year. I want to give a big shout out to my supporters because I couldn't have done it without you. Anyone who wants to join me in this fight is still welcome to give even after the event. Go to My supporters will be entered into a drawing for one of two prizes- a brand new personal mp3 player complete with some empowering music that I will send to you or, for those of you in the Chicago area, a gift certificate for a wine tasting at Cooper's Hawk Winery and Restaurant. Visit the web site at
Other news- we close on our house in Chicago on Monday! For someone who has been moving every 2-3 years since she was 23(I am closing in on 40)this is big. Not only will I be a homeowner for the first time, but, I expect to be in the same place for quite some time. It is a relief and I can paint, redecorate, etc to my hearts content. Meanwhile, my husband Ben has been watching a lot of how to videos on the Internet and he only has a week and a half of school left so I say have at it... Have a good weekend!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Summer Indeed

I love it for so many reasons:
1. open windows with cool summer breezes blowing through
2. beachfronts filled with sun loving people
3. summer festivals
4. vacation and national holidays
5. outdoor concerts
6. gardens in bloom
7. kids playing outside
8. the ice cream truck driving down our street
9. picnics and grilled burgers and brats
10. capris, sleeveless shirts and sandals
11. warm sunshine on my skin

This memorial day weekend, I will think of those who are fighting in foreign lands while I enjoy my summer day so freely walking along Chicago's lakeshore; one of my favorite places to relax. With only 9 days to go until my AVON Walk, I am excited for what the summer will bring. Hope this weekend brings you some fun and tranqulity as well.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Summer is Here!!

It was HOT today here in Wisconsin. 90 degrees in May...unbelievable!! My garden is in gear and I am ready to put up that pool! I am skin is not.

My skin really takes a beating this time of year. I already have my summer feet. For three to four months, the bottom of my feet go from lily white to shall we say earth-toned. I will not feel dry until September from all the sun screen and moisturizer and bug spray. And my hair...forget about it. My mop will be a frizzy mess until Halloween.

So, here is to summer...I may be ugly but I am loving the weather:-)

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Walking the Miles

The past couple of months have been incredible- I have been preparing for my walk in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer in June since March. When I started I was doing it mainly because I wanted to do something big to make a difference. Never did I guess it would benefit me personally in so many ways. I have met some dedicated women (and men) while working on fundraising events and training on Chicago's lakefront and in parks. My team mates, the Holy Apostles Pink Ribbon Angels have raised more than $70,000 for the cause and are 2nd in the nation. Many of them have completed the walk 2 or more times.

I also amazed at what my body can do- after walking 14 miles this weekend, I thought I would be a whole lot more sore, but, I am not. (Mind you, I was able to do this with the advice of my team mates). I am motivated to keep going so that I am able to complete the whole 26 (some women are walking 39, but, since it is my first year I opted for less).

Now that it is only two weeks away- I am looking forward to completing my journey for me and so many other women, but, I can't do it without your help. Go to to make a donation.

This is such an important cause to me because of the special people I have known who were directly affected by this disease. Thankfully, they were able to overcome it. Chances are that someone you know and love has been affected by it as well. This year, an estimated 40,000 women will die from the disease. Another woman is diagnosed with breast cancer every 3 minutes and an estimated three million women are living with breast cancer. One million of them don't yet know it.

With the donations raised, the Avon Foundation will provide support and resources for women affected by this terrible disease. This will help people in our own community and throughout the country. Any amount you can give is great; I truly appreciate your support and will keep you posted on my progress.

Visit my personal webpage to make a donation and you will be entered into a drawing for one of two prizes:

A brand new personal mp3 player complete with some motivating music that I will send to you or, for those of you in the Chicago area, a gift certificate for a wine tasting at Cooper's Hawk Winery and Restaurant. Visit the web site at

Thanks for your consideration! If you want to read more blogs about the AVON Walk experience, go to

Monday, May 10, 2010

How Was Your Mother's Day?

Mine was great! I am soooooooo spoiled! My husband and younger daughter put together such a beautiful day. They made a gourmet breakfast together complete with mimosas and table clothes. I got flowers and chocolate and candles...they sure know me well. Then, we went out to lunch and back home for a gourmet dinner. And, I didn't have to lift a finger...

...until today. But you know what, I didn't even mind the extra dishes and extra laundry today. It didn't put me that far back and yesterday was so perfect, it didn't matter. Awesome!!

And, the gifts keep giving. As a mother, I have volunteered a lot at school this year. As such, I am being honored at the Volunteer Appreciation Breakfast tomorrow. I am going to soak this in because next year, I won't be eligible because...

I am going to be the Vice-President of the PTO. They saw me coming:-) But I love it.

Also tomorrow, I am going to be recognized as a leader for Girl Scouts with a nice dinner. How fun is that?

Who said motherhood is a thankless job?

Thursday, May 6, 2010

I am in it to End It! Donate to Win a Personal mp3 Player

I am pulling out all of the stops for the Avon Breast Cancer Walk in Chicago that I will be participating on June 5-6. It is a month away and I am stepping up my training. I walked nearly 10 miles this weekend again and will be walking everyday to get in shape and eventually make it to 13 miles two days in a row. With my hard work and your contributions, I will be able to accomplish my goal of walking 26 miles to make a difference. I can't do it without your help!

Visit my personal webpage to make a donation and you will be entered into a drawing for one of two prizes:

A brand new personal mp3 player complete with some motivating music that I will send to you or, for those of you in the Chicago area, a gift certificate for a wine tasting at Cooper's Hawk Winery and Restaurant. Visit the web site at

This is such an important cause to me because of the special people I have known who were directly affected by this disease. Thankfully, the women I know were able to overcome it. Chances are that someone you know and love has been affected by it as well; there's an estimated three million women living with breast cancer. One million of them don't yet know it.

With the donations raised, the Avon Foundation will provide support and resources for women affected by this terrible disease. This will help people in our own community and throughout the country. Any amount you can give is great; I truly appreciate your support and will keep you posted on my progress.

You really do make a difference. Go to to find out more.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Annoyed Already

Last week Thursday, I registered my son for Kindergarten. My son is still 5 months away from taking his first steps into his "big kid school," and I'm already annoyed. I am a teacher (12 years in public high schools and now 3 at a community college), and I fear I am going to be one of those parents who can't stop complaining, whose standards and expectations are high and who calls to complain every time those expectations are not met.

So, this is what happened...

First, I go to the district website the Tuesday prior to registration to download the 20+ pages of paperwork I have to fill out in order to register my child. The links to the paperwork don't work and I suspect it's a problem on my end. I call the school. No, it's a website problem and the links won't be up and running again before registration. So, unless I want to sit at the school the evening of registration for an hour and fill out the paperwork, I can pick up the papers at the school beforehand. Fine. I do this on that Tuesday with my son in tow. I ask the woman in charge of the registration paperwork if the registration evening which lasts from 4:30 to 7:00 is something to which I should bring my son or if I should leave him at home with Daddy. She tells me that they are trying to get some of the junior high kids to come to it to do some fun activities with the kids who are there, that there will be tours of the Kindergarten classrooms, and a video will be shown called, "A Day in the Life of a Kindergartner." That sounds like fun for my son, I say, and she agrees that it should be. I say I will bring him.

And I do. But it turns out that the only thing the school manages to get even remotely organized is the video. Other than that - no junior high kids, no fun activities, no tours of the classrooms. The video isn't even up and running yet the entire time I'm there, and it takes me an hour and a half to get through all of the registration stations. The event itself runs for less than 3 hours, and the video is not playing after an hour and a half. Hmmmm. I'm hoping our experiences at the school once my son becomes an official Kindergartner aren't always this disappointing.

So, I'm annoyed. I can't help it. My poor son had to stand there waiting in five different lines with me doing absolutely nothing for an hour and a half when he could have stayed home with his father.

But wait, there's more. I overhear one parent ask a staff member if parents can request one's child's teacher. The response: "No, but we try to match the children according to their personality and ability level with the appropriate teacher." I wonder how they do this when they don't even know my child. Then, though, at one of the stations, I'm given a questionaire to fill out about my child, about the activities he likes, his attention span, his abilities concerning shapes,numbers, letters, etc., and what his personality is like. I fill it out and include it with the rest of the paperwork in the folder. When I come home, I discover I've come home with this questionaire, that no one at 3 different stations had taken it from me. So, now I'm even more annoyed. Now, I have to call the school and find out whom I need to bring it to.

As long as I'll be on the phone with the school, I'm tempted to let them know just how I felt about the registration evening. But I don't know if I want to establish myself as one of the *those* moms already.

What would you do?

Monday, April 19, 2010

Did You Ever Get... that was so shocking but you couldn't share?? I did today...and I am dying!!!!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

House Hunt Take 2

Long time followings might remember that a couple of years ago before my husband and I moved back to Chicago from the southwestern suburbs that we started to look for a place to own. Fortunately, because of the housing market at that time (just prior to the downturn) and because of time constraints, we decided to put off buying until we were more certain of our jobs and the neighborhood we wanted to live in. I am glad we waited...

Now, that we are looking again we are finding that now we can actually look for a house with 2-3 bedrooms and 1.5-2 baths rather than an apartment or shack in a much better area than we would have just two years ago. Once again, I have learned that patience is a virtue. We haven't found our new place yet, but, there is a lot to choose from and it looks like we will have a new place by the end of the summer.

On that note, here is a song I want to share with you to celebrate the place that each of us calls home. Take some time today to enjoy your surroundings wherever they may be and share with us what you like most about your home...

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Happy Birthday Honey!!

Today is my hubby's birthday:-)

It takes a real man to pull off this look:-)

We celebrated by cleaning our room and breezeway. Don't feel too sorry for him. He got love in the form of family and Susie's Pecan Pie:-)
Happy Birthday Honey! We love you very much!!

Monday, April 5, 2010

Nine Rooms of Happiness

Recently, I was listening to a radio show called Chat with Women that features two women in the Seattle area who discuss various topics that interest women such as health, self-esteem, cooking, etc. Their guest, was Dr. Catherine Birndorf author of The Nine Rooms of Happiness – Loving Yourself, Finding Your Purpose, and Getting Over Life’s Little Imperfections.

I thought I would share with you the podcast and the web site that explain the concept of letting go. I think it is true that we women do spend way too much time worrying about the little things or imperfections that we have rather than appreciating all the positive aspects of who we are. I found the concept easy to understand and apply.

Click here to listen to the March 30, 2010 podcast of Chat with Women. The interview with Dr. Birndorf occurs at 30:30.

You can also learn more at

Hope you enjoy

Thursday, April 1, 2010

A Case of Catholic Guilt

My friends and I were discussing plans for Easter weekend last week when I realized that I will spending the holy days Good Thursday and Friday at a Casino. I made fun of myself thinking, "Isn't that a sacreligous thing to do-I have certainly strayed from the Catholic school girl I once was." I know that there is at least one friend from my past that would most definitely condem me for it.

In truth, I am not that much of a gambler. My husband and I really looking forward to escaping from Chicago, taking a road trip with some good friends and getting a chance to relax and catch up with them for a few days. We do enjoy playing Black Jack together, so we figured why not... I only feel a slight case of Catholic guilt, but, with all of the things going on in the Catholic church more recently and over the last few years, who are they to throw stones?

As far as my spirituality goes, I must admit, I haven't been to church on a regular basis in some time. The last few years, I have been distracted and somewhat disappointed in the church communities I have encountered so I have strayed. This past weekend, my husband and I actually went to a non-denominational gathering. It was very different from anything I have been to and we decided that we would continue going. The music and the message were more relevant and you could tell people truly enjoyed being there. It was a nice change.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

making visits to the doctor easier on our little ones

Yesterday, my son and I went to his pediatrician for his 5-year old wellness checkup. Doctor Singh is a popular lady around these parts, so wait time at her office is always lengthy. After waiting for an annoyingly long time in the waiting room, we wait again for what seems like an eternity once we're in the examining room. My son handles these doctor visits as best as he can at his age. I always arrive at Dr. Singh's office armed with snacks, a few small toys, my son's Leapster, and some crayons and coloring books. Even with so many activities to choose from, my dear boy still gets restless all penned up in a small room with no windows for so long.

So, I'm wondering, what do you do to make visits to the doctor a bit easier for your young child? The best trick of the trade I've come up with so far is to let the rolled out paper on the examining table be my son's art canvas. Yesterday, he and I created a very detailed beach and underwater scene complete with (at his urging) a killer whale, a shark, an electrical eel, a Nemo fish, Dory, a palm tree with coconuts, and sunbathers. Dr. Singh was duly impressed that my son was familiar with so many sea creatures...and that the sunbathers had a bottle of sunscreen, SPF 70, sitting next to them in the sand. :-)

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Empowering Music

Listening to music that makes me feel empowered is something I truly enjoy. Although winter appears to be leaving us, I feel I have needed a little encouragement lately, so I started a new playlist of empowering songs on I love collecting and listening to songs that empower women to achieve and endure in their own special way. Here are the first songs I added that came to me off the top of my head... feel free to suggest some for my list.

1. You Learn, by Alanis Morissette
2. Everyday Is A Winding Road by Sheryl Crow
3. Amazing [Thin White Duke Edit] by Seal
4. Stronger Woman by Jewel
5. Say by John Mayer
6. Chances by Five For Fighting
7. Brand New Day (Album Version) by Sting
8. Bring on the Day by Charlotte Martin
9. Falling Down by Avril Lavigne
10. Weight Of The World by Chantal Kreviazuk
11. Free Me by Joss Stone
12. Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield
13. One Step At A Time by Jordin Sparks
14. Steer (Album Version) by Missy Higgins

Monday, March 22, 2010

What Should I Do With My Hair

I am going through a mid-life crisis. I am turning 40 in 2 and a half months. I haven't dropped the weight I have wanted to lose. I don't have enough money to throw myself a great party. I got an application for AARP. My doctor asked me if I had experiences hot flashes yet. And, I am on two inhalers (one of which I have to gargle after so I don't get throat fungus!). I am a pathetic mess and I need a change.

I want to cut my!! It's thick, it's hot (with hot flashes coming hot is the last thing I want my hair to be) and it takes to long to do. So, here is what I look like now:

And here is what I am looking at doing:

So, what do you think? Which one?

Monday, March 15, 2010

Our Apples Aren't Keeping the Doctors Away

You know the saying, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away"? Well, we eat our apples but our doctors are still on speed dial!!I know I have been talking a lot about health (or lack there of) lately but I am just so frustrated right now.

I am frustrated with myself. I haven't had an asthma attack in 10 years and one little bronchitis later and I am huffing and puffing on my inhaler like there is no tomorrow.

I am also frustrated with my youngest's health right now. This is the third round of antibiotics that she has been on THIS YEAR!! Yikes!! The pediatrician said that there isn't anything to worry about. She has missed 8 days of school this year...10%!! If I were paying tuition, I would want 10% of my money back.

So, here are some questions for the much school has your kids missed this year? Is it me or is this the worst year ever for colds?

Thursday, March 11, 2010

I am now a "Pink Warrior"

Sorry, about not posting the last couple of weeks. I had a case of cabin fever that had me down in the dumps and I didn't want to take any readers along with me so I took a break. This week Chicago temps hit 40 degrees for the first time in awhile and the sun melted not all but a good amount of the snow, so I think I am on my way to recovery.

The other event that got me out of my funk was attending the AVON Walk for Breast Cancer Expo in Chicago this past weekend and registering to become a participant. I am excited and proud to have made this commitment for family and friends as well as other women. I am looking forward to the journey.

According to the American Cancer Society (2009):
1. A woman living in the U.S. has a 1 in 8 chance of developing breast cancer in her life time.
2. A new case of breast cancer is diagnosed every3 minutes.
3. Breast cancer kills nearly 41,000 people a year (1 every 13 min)
4. Progress has been made in diagnosis and treatment, but, no one knows the cause, or how it can be prevented, and there is no known cure.
5. Men can get breast cancer too.

You can read more blogs about the upcoming walks in cities around the country over the coming months as well as view videos and posts about past walks at

For more information about participating or the event itself visit, or The American Cancer Society

Monday, March 8, 2010

Spring has Sprung but...

...where am I? Sick as a dog:-(

There is nothing worse than having a gorgeous day outside and being stuck inside because you have been sick all week. No fun:-(

I am so frustrated with my health. Everytime I have a good workout routine going, literally every 30 days, I get sick....without fail!!! Any ideas on how to break the cycle?

Monday, March 1, 2010

An Ode to a Crashing Computer

My computer hit the dust

And now I am lost.

I have to fix quickly

No matter what the cost.

I am so far behind

I can not see the light.

A To Do list longer than my arm,

With no end in sight.

So remember me fondly

When you come around.

I will be looking for my sanity.

In the lost and found.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Is It March Yet?

I am so over the cold.

I am so over the snow.

I am so over the doctor's appointments.

I am so over the pomp and circumstance of the birthday season.

I am so over it.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Tears and more Tears

I admit it- I am sucker when it comes to sappy sad movies. I am pathetic, especially when it comes to seeing a child crying about something truly sad such as the loss of a parent or something similar. I cry when the characters are sad and I even get teary when they are happy if the movie is a good one. There are several movies that have been out some time I have avoided almost certainly because I know they could potentially have me in tears. Depending on how you feel about crying (I happen to think that sometimes it is a good thing and you just need to once in awhile) I would/would not recommend going to see the following two movies any time soon.

I should mention that I actually liked them both a great deal, but, as previously stated, they are emotional. The one I would recommend in any case is Extraordinary Measures. It is currently in theaters and stars Brandon Fraser, Harrison Ford and Keri Russell. The movie is based Geeta Anand's book, The Cure, which is a true story from about a family with two kinds that have Pompe disease. I won't ruin it for you, but, the whole movie is very inspiring, but, of course there are some tears to be shed; both happy and sad. Harrison Ford was better than I have seen him in awhile.

This past weekend my husband was nice enough to rent The Time Traveler's Wife for Valentines Day. Both he and I liked the storyline a great deal because it made you think about what your own life would be like if you could travel that way or know what would happen in the future. The only hard part was when they were trying to have a child. If you are trying and there is even the slightest chance you might not be able to have a child, this could be a little hard for you to watch. Needless to say, by the end of the movie I was in tears. At least I know I won't have the obstacle of a baby who is time traveling out of the womb. Regardless, I was still happy my husband is willing to view such films with me on occasion and he is even willing to lend a shoulder if necessary. For this, I am grateful.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010


Long time, no see! I have neglected my blogging duties terribly these last several months. Thanks to Sue and Kari for keeping things alive and kicking around here! I was really overwhelmed by the holiday season this year. Trying to keep myself organized with getting ready for Christmas and ending the semester at two schools which I work at part-time really did me in. And just when the new year arrived and things should have settled down, my son turned 5 and there were more presents to buy and celebrations to plan. When I finally came up for air, my semester at the community college started again and so I dove right back into syllabi, lesson planning, and teaching. Whew!

It doesn't stop there. On Sunday, my son got a big Valentine's Day surprise. A new dog! His name is Carlisle. He's a poodle-terrier mix whom we purchased from the Poodle Rescue of Houston. So far, we are already reaping the many benefits of having a dog in the family. Our exercise routine went up a notch immediately! We are taking at least two walks a day with Carlisle in addition to some pretty active playtime with him indoors as well. My son has enthusiastically taken several chores upon himself: feeding Carlisle and holding onto his leash for much of the time that we walk him. Valuable lessons concerning responsibility are being learned. We are also simply enjoying laughing and playing together with our new addition to the family!

Here is a picture taken on Valentine's Day of me with Carlisle at the shelter when I picked him up to bring him home.

Monday, February 15, 2010

I Lost My Husband Yesterday

My husband has been counting down the days. There is ringing in his ears, the smell of burning rubber in his nose and his heart beats just a little bit faster.

No...he isn't having a cardiac episode...The Daytona 500 aired yesterday. So, although he is alive and kicking, I will be a widow until Thanksgiving:-)

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Family and Good Memories

I've had two really nice weekends the past two weeks. This past weekend a good number of my mother's family got together for the first time ages. My crazy uncle Fred had his living room filled with an inflatable palm tree and tropical animals that included a shark, a crab, an octopus and parrot. The house was nearly filled to capacity and we had a blast. It made me miss the old days when we used to get together more often. Some of the people who were there I hadn't seen since my wedding nearly four years ago and that is truly sad. Before the day was through my uncle and all of the children donned hula skirts and he went so far as to add a sea shell bra. Sorry I don't have the photos to share, but, when I do, I will be posting them on Facebook. I am hoping this past weekend was a turning point for our family since we did have such a nice time, perhaps, we will do it more often.

After leaving my uncles, I drove home to Chicago to find my husband had cleaned our apartment like a mad man in my absense. Not only had he done the dishes and took out the garbage, but, he did loads and loads of laundry, straightened up the living room and vacuumed. Needless to say, I was in heaven and told him thank you for the early Valentines gift. I also felt a little guilty about my last blog which I doubt he read. In fact, I am pretty sure he did it all on his own.

The previous weekend my husband and I celebrated two memorable events in our lives. His birthday (Happy 36th hun if you are reading this!) and the anniversary of our very first date. To celebrate, we went to a place called Uncommon Ground that features different musicians on a nightly basis and an excellent menu. The performances are free so long as you eat and drink a minimum of $20 which is a bargain for the Chicago area and the talent is good most of the time. We saw singer, songwriter Lexie Shine whose sound is similar to and nearly as gifted as Melissa Ethridge. Her song "Between You and Me" was a VH1 Song of the Year. Seeing someone who can play music well and enjoys what they do is my most favorite thing in the world. I can't get enough of it.

This time of year is usually a little hard for me since, like most Midwesterners, I get a little depressed that spring is still a couple months away. The past two weeks reminded me that I am truly lucky to have the family and the husband that I have. I hope those of you who read this are just as blessed.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Happy Birthday Baby

This is my newly annointed 6-year-old!!

She is my heart walking the earth and I love her more than words can say! Happy Birthday Sweetheart!

Monday, February 1, 2010

Ok...She Can Pull the Knife Out Now!

It has happened...already! The other day my youngest daughter said to me:

"Mom, you know, you don't have to walk me to the end of the driveway anymore. I am brave enough to go on my own."

"What??? No way!!"

"If you aren't brave enough, you can watch from the house or the garage."

"What?? No way!!!"

She is in kindergarten, ya'll!! Kindergarten!! I knew this day would come but, I thought I had at least a couple years before THIS would happen!

I am not read for this. I still need the "hand-off". I need to take my baby and look the bus driver in the eye and make small talk and all the while really saying, "I am entrusting my flesh and blood to you now. I relinquish control. Please be careful with my heart."

I cannot and will not do this! I still need the hand-off. And if that means that it takes her a little bit longer to grow up then, so be it. Just give me some time. I will get there. Just not yet...ok?

So, she can pull that knife out of my heart now. It ain't happenin'!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Progress in New Years Resolutions...0

My New Year's resolutions this year were to cook more, use my Wii Fit at least twice a week and manage my time better, so that I can get more out of my life. So far this year, I am 0 for 3. It appears that the third resolution directly affects the other two since working late nearly every night for the past three weeks has me getting home at 7 or later each night too exhausted to cook. I have also been putting in overtime on the weekends.

I have managed to go to the gym a couple times a week (I am getting back up to 3 this week) but the Wii fit is supposed to be my routine on the days that I don't go. And tonight's blog is compliments of the dishes that have been sitting in the sink since Sunday evening that will probably be there until Saturday. I know if I had kids there is no way this would do, but, aside from waking up tomorrow morning earlier than 5:30 (if I take the bus) or 6 if I sleep in and drive, I am not sure what else I can do. I am talking to my boss tomorrow, hopefully this will help. Keep your fingers crossed.

Note the time of this post- I think sleep is going to win! Dishes will have to wait until this weekend when I get the house ready for the inlaws and celebrating my husband's birthday.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Senario of Defeat

Sunday: Power Outage...for the third time in 5 weeks.

Monday: I move mountains and align moons to get my mom to a rescheduled doctor's appointment on my youngest daughter's day off from school. We get there in plenty of time only to be told that the appointment is for next Monday. it's not! These people don't understand how delicate my calendar is. I KNOW the appointment was for this Monday. They screwed up but it is my time that gets wasted.

Tuesday: I wake to find that younger daughter has slept in her own vomit. So, the nice little two loads of laundry I was going to do has multiplied into 5 (it went over EVERYTHING!) But, I somehow get it all done before she returns home from school. I even make a healthy and tasty dinner for the family. I then contently drive off to the school for a PTO meeting. NO ONE is there!! I get home and recheck the bulletin and sure enough...Tuesday, January 19th in room 201. Oh no there wasn't!! Oh and then, same daughter tells me she just spilled juice all over the sheets and comforter and EVERYTHING that I just spent ALL morning cleaning for her!!!!!

So tell me, what does a normal person do in reaction to spewing children and disrespectful people who waste your precious time? Do you know what I do? I eat. And so I did. Fail:-(

P.S. I am writing this on Tuesday night. In the event that more such frustrations are presented to me this week, by the time you read this, I will be shaking in the corner with a shit-eating grin framed by cake sharpnel and massive twitching. I should not be held responsible for my actions:-)

Friday, January 22, 2010

Can You Nag Without Nagging?

After more than three years, I still haven't mastered this one. When it comes to trying to get my husband to remember to call to make an appointment to go to the doctor or take out the garbage, we seem to have a problem. I hate doing it, it makes me feel like his mom. There are occasions when he thinks of things on his own, but, housework and going to the doctor are usually not usually one of them and it drives me batty sometimes.

I would love to come home at the end of the day and not feel guilty that the dishes haven't been done or the cat's litter boxes haven't been cleaned for a couple days. Sometimes I am successful in getting him to tell me to reinind him and he promises he won't get mad. But then, it starts all over again the next week.

The health issue has really got me in a tif this week because he is having back problems and I am reasonably certain he has some pinched disks or worse. He hasn't seen a regular doctor in years, so a specialist is even more unlikely. He asks me if I think he might have a kidney infection because his sides hurt as well (but he doesn't have any of the other symptoms and I am not a doctor, I explain). This is the 2nd time in a couple of months, he has been dealing with this off and on through the years and he still won't go. Any advice?

Saturday, January 16, 2010

How the Fat Girl Ate Susie: Part 3

So, a habit forms for one reason but perpetuates for another. Since I have established that my eating disorder originated with my mother, now I need to figure out why it continues. The easy answer: it works. When I feel anxiety, I eat. When I feel unsecure, I eat. Whenever I do anything, I eat. I have to train my brain to shift 30 years of thinking and feeling in order to be successful.

How do I do that? Replace with one behavior with another. I have also found that I am an obcessive tracker. I track everything. I track my schedule. I track my stats on my blog. I track my income. So so, I am tracking my stats. I track my calorie intack and out take. I am working on the Wii which is a trackers dream and I am tracking my steps on my I-touch with a .99 cent application (Burn Fat). I have decided that my obcessive complusive behavior will finally serve me well.

And how is it going? Well, I have lost 6 pounds since the 10th!! Go Susie go! I will get you out of that fat girl yet:-)

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Pain- one of life's challenges

Last week I began my work out routine with a renewed energy that I hadn't had in weeks. Perhaps, it had to do with a good Christmas and New Years and a renewed optimism. Perhaps it had to do with all the new people who had joined my fight and were working out and walking along side me at the gym. This time of year is always remarkable to me because it is crazy busy every where you go- the gym is more crowded with people trying to put forth a good effort on the new years resolution, people are volunteering more, people are taking more classes towards their career or for relaxation... it is inspiring. Hopefully, the trend will continue.

Having recently graduated from working with my trainer, I was looking forward to developing my own routine and determining a new diet that might get me better results. I have been to the doctor and realized that perhaps what I was eating was good for some people who wanted to lose weight, but, not all components were helping me with other problems in my body such as a hormone imbalance. I am still working on this.

Then it happened. I hurt my shoulder working out; more specifically my rotator cup. Like any novice athlete I shrugged it off and thought I could deal with the pain. I had problems before so perhaps I could just return to doing some of the physical therapy exercises I had been taught and ice and heat it occasionally until it felt better. The last two nights, however, it has gotten progressively worse as I sleep. I barely got three hours of rest last night, so I am headed to the clinic to check it out and get some better pain meds. I am praying this is just a hiccup. I don't want anything to deter me from being able to get back in the swing after the new year. It seems that just when you think you have it down, life throws a little (or big) challenge your way. I am determined not to let it get the best of me.

Monday, January 11, 2010

How the Fat Girl Ate Susie: Part 2

What happens to a young girl when she witnessed the actual crushing of her mother's spirit? A big hole forms in her center that she can never fill. Not with men. Not with drugs. Not with alcohol and not with food.

That is how my unnatural relationship with food began. I knew at that moment that I no longer had a mother. I knew that I was going to have to figure everything out on my own. I would never have a soft place to fall again. I knew that things would never be right. That I would never be right.

I found myself alone in my room sobbing over a tough day at school. But then, I remembered the Ding Dongs in the cubboard and I downed the box. The smell of the chocolate was soothing. My troubles seemed to float away as the soft cakes melted in my mouth. The hug I needed on the outside was replaced by swallowing the soft cakes; like a hug inside.

But as swiftly as the love came, is how fast it left. Soon after the consumption, I was on the cold tile floor, returning the Ding Dongs from wence it came. Even their comfort came at a price. Why does everything have to be so hard?

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

New Year- New Plans Version 2

Progress on the most important things in life doesn't always move at lightening speed. It takes small steps and patience. Being patient is something I have gotten better at this past year. It's 2010 and as I look back at my list of new years resolutions from last year, I can't help but, be a little disappointed that things have not moved at a faster pace than I would like.

The following has been changed from what was originally published on Wednesday. I am happy to say that my cold is much better and so is my attitude: Instead of taking stock in the things that did not happen, I am going to take stock in the things that have. I am eating healthier breakfasts, lunches and snacks than ever befor - less processed and more natural foods including fruits and vegetables. I managed to lose 10 pounds and build more muscle. And now, I actually enjoy working out. I work out three to four time a week lifting weights, walking/sprinting, and doing yoga. It is something that my husband I enjoy doing together. My friend Janet is also sometimes along for the ride. I used to work with a trainer who really got me started, but, this year I am determined to prove that I can do this on my own.

Making dinner is a little harder since most nights I do not get home until closer to 7pm. The days I work out, we don't cook because its usually after 9. The days I don't work out, we still don't cook often enough... This is what I am going to work on this year- better meal planning, slow cooking, cooking on weekends, and finding things that my husband and I can and want to prepare following a day in the glamorous land of cubicles and computers or a day in front of K-3rd graders who just want to be outside (whichever the case may be.) Does anyone have any suggestions for cook books that will be helpful in this endeavor? And don't just tell me Rachel Ray- there has got to be more out there!

Monday, January 4, 2010

How the Fat Girl Ate Susie: Part 1

I remember the day she gave up. She was sitting on the couch, exhausted from taking care of everyone all day. He came home and belittled her because the kid's toys weren't picked up.

"What do you do all day?", he snapped. Cliche now; the straw that broke a mother's spirit then. He didn't know the venom in his words.

She didn't say a word but, you could actually see the shift in her. The white flag of defeat was waving in her eyes. The weight of the world fell off her shoulders. The jovial laugh that shook the house with joy was silenced for good. It was then she resolved to do nothing. It was to show him her value. The problem was she became her resolution; she was nothing.

Nothing was her safe place. If she did nothing, she would not be required to engage anyone. If she didn't engage with anyone, she wouldn't get hurt. But it wasn't enough to do nothing. There had to be a mechanism in which to cope.

Food as her drug of choice. It couldn't be cigarettes or alcohol. Those were his vices and they were dispicable. But was her friend. Food was always there. Food was socially acceptable. Food would always make her feel better. Food numbed the pain.

And so, she stayed on that couch...the couch where the surrender was made. And it was there the legacy began...