Seeing Your Fat Ass on TV

...is great motivation for getting back into your workout routine after the flu:-(

For those of you that don't know, I compete in Iron Cupcake challenges here in Milwaukee. This summer, a local food show called Wisconsin Foodie filmed me and two other bakers preparing for our sugary battle. Today, it aired and my large ass (in all it's glory) was the only thing I saw. Nice triple chin too:-(

And so, it is back to getting up at 5 a.m. in front of the DVD player to walk my pounds away. Luckily, I didn't gain back any of my 10 pound loss from September however, I didn't lose more in October either. So, come on November!!! Make me fabulous for 40!!

40 and Fabulous

I wrote about my Second Attempt at weight loss earlier this month. I am here to tell you that I am very encouraged by some success. I feel fantastic and I have dropped 10 pounds. Now, 10 pounds is a drop in the bucket to what I need to lose however, it is a really good start. And I have found some motivation recently that I want to share.

I am turning 40 on May 28 next year. So, my goal is to be 40 and Fabulous. Now, I am already fabulous in many ways however, I want to be even more fabulous by dropping more of this weight by my big day. I am not putting a number on it. I know it when I feel it.

Also, I had another cupcake challenge this weekend. I know that this seems really counter-productive to my overall goal however, the challenge took place a Goldie's Shoe Parlor. If you are in the Milwaukee area, go directly to Goldie's...do not pass "Go"....bring $200. They have the cutest stuff on the planet!! It is one of those rare boutiques that have clothes for real sizes. So, my goal is to buy something fabulous for the my 40 and Fabulous birthday!!

Wish me luck! So far....so good:-)

Attempt Number Two

Since my first weight loss attempt was an utter and complete failure, I am going to give it another college try (mind you, I quit college too so, take that at face value:-). I hereby pledge to take care of myself first so I can take care of others second.

Anyway, my plan is to get up at o'dark-hundred to workout. I am going to continue my walking tapes until I can get a Wii Fit and the money for the Wii Fit in the same room at the same time. In addition, I am tracking my nutrition stats through my recipe/grocery software. The Living Cookbook rocks in this regard. I just type in my menu plan and viola...success:-)

Now, why am I boring you with all this? I am not sure except that I needed to purge my soul and my other blog would have spit it out:-)

So, wish me luck on this second quest to find health and to take care of me:-) Let's hope this time it sticks!

When is a Negative a Positive?

Ok...my delusions of grandeur are going away. I finally figured out why I think I am skinner than I really am; I could never feel it. I was so out of shape that I couldn't feel the difference between fat and muscle. Now, I have been working out all year and I have been able to develop some muscle. Great! I feel better and stronger everyday however, there are a couple drawbacks: The scale isn't moving and now, I can feel how fat I really am. Yuck!

It's kind of motivating though...the self-repulsion. I start to think...maybe I can skip my workout today. Then, I get up and "watch it wiggle, see it jiggle" (remember that Jello commercial?). That's when I think, "Oh no. You had better get your fat butt up and work off that Jello!!"

As a recent therapy graduate , I understand that the negative self-talk is not the greatest for my emotional well-being however, can it be used to achieve greater physical results? I mean, when is a negative a positive?

Less of a Woman

That's right...I am less of a woman than I was last month at this time....5 pounds less:-) Yeah me! I am so excited. Maintaining a healthy weight is the one area in my life in which, I have not been successful. And now, I am finally seeing some movement on the scale.

Stress has been my main barrier. Unfortunately, adding my mother to our household and other sources of anxiety have made my weight loss efforts futile. But now, I finally feel like I have this stuff under control.

Meditation has been my biggest helper. I learned progressive relaxation and I have learned to slow down. That is such a foriegn concept to me. How am I going to get everything done if I slow down? But it actually works! By going slower, I am more deliberate and more conscious. I make less mistakes and experience everything more fully. I am slow and I love it!!

I was able to step up my workout from 2 miles to 3 miles. And viola! Success! Here's to another month and another 5 pounds. Maybe by next May, I will be 40 and fabulous!!

I Have Funny Mirrors in My House

I have written about this before but it is still relevant and bares repeating. I have funny mirrors. You know...like the kind at carnivals that distort the reflection. Well, I have them in my house. I think I look skinner than I am. I look at my reflection at home and think, "Not bad". Then, I see myself in a store window or look at pictures or on TV and think, "Who is that fat girl?" I have delusions of grandeur.

Now, my therapist says that it is healthy to have a good self-image. It is not healthy if the distortion is leading you into a physically unhealthy situation. That's where I am at. Blood pressure up. Bad cholesterol up. Good cholesterol down. Now, I have added acid reflux to the mix too. No fun. And I want to know how I went from this 6 years ago:

to this now:

So, I have got to do something and you all are my something. I am going to bare my soul to my friends and the blogosphere and say the number. THE number. Here is goes...I am 5'3" and I weigh 216.5!! There...I said it. Now, once a month, I will let you know how I am doing. Accountability is your task. And that first picture, is going on my vision board .

Now, this goal is in direction contradiction to my other blog so for these posts, pay no attention to the fat girl behind the other curtain:-)