Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Precious Memories

My family and I are back from our travels overseas. It was a great adventure! We made some wonderful memories and took some pictures that will be cherished for generations, I'm sure. The minute I booked my parents' and my family's tickets back in February, I knew this trip would be a real tear-jerker, and I was so proud of myself that I held it together for the entire trip without balling at every turn.

You see, my father stated that this would be his last trip back to Germany (having a high degree of Wanderlust, he'd rather explore other parts of the world like Hawaii or Alaska). That alone choked me up. The reality of a final trip to Germany for my parents, who are 68 and 74, had never entered my head before. My memories of Germany over all of the years of my time spent there are all about being young, really. My first real memories of Germany were from our trip when I was 16 (I had been there as a little kid but don't remember much). Then, I studied in Bonn (the former captital of West Germany) at 19. I spent a lot of time with my relatives that year. My dad's sister, my aunt, was about 60 then, and she was definitely my surrogate mother during my time there; we became very close. I visited her often at her home in Detmold, the city of her and my dad's birth and where they grew up. She was a very energetic woman who was always smiling and laughing. During each and every visit, I had a lot of fun with her walking through downtown Detmold, shopping, eating in cafes, and hearing countless stories about her and my dad growing up. In fact, even though I spent a year away from my dad during my time studying there, I came home that next summer believing I had gotten to know him better than I ever had. My aunt's stories revealed a lot about my father that I had never known. And just spending time among Germans for a year opened my eyes to so many of my dad's mannerism, speech patterns, and quirky habits that before then I had thought were just a little odd; after that year, I discovered they were typically German and that his homeland had truly shaped the man who was my father.

This summer's return to Germany brought together two families who have all gotten older. My dad hadn't been back to Germany for 19 years. His sister, my Aunt Erika, is now 80. Her son, Martin, my only first cousin, is over 50 and has 3 boys. I'm married and am a mom to a preschooler. Although I've been there numerous times since then, this trip made me realize how long ago it was that I spent my year there exploring the country and soaking up every minute of youthful freedom, independence and excitement that studying abroad instills in a person. Time continues to march on.

During this trip, we spent a few days in Detmold where my dad lived with his family until he was 21. We accomplished the one thing I had wanted to do the minute I booked our tickets: we took a picture of 3 generations of relatives in front of my dad's childhood home. It's a huge half-timbered house that was probably built sometime in the late 1500s/early 1600s. Here we are (my son, me, my dad, and my aunt):

And here we are in the center of town (my cousin, my aunt, me, my dad, and my son):

Who knows if we will ever get pictures like these again. For my son, it may be the only time he is ever with his Opa in Germany. I will keep my fingers crossed that this won't be the case, that my parents will remain in good health for years to come and that we will all travel there together again someday. But for now, we will all cherish the precious memories that we made this summer and look to the future with anticipation, certain of many more to come.

Monday, July 20, 2009

On the Road Again...

This week, we are headed on the road again heading east. My husband's family is having a reunion and that is the ultimate destination. Along the way, we will have mad-cap family fun in the car, consume some Cincinati Chili AND we are taking our youngest to her very first amusement park: Coney Island:-)

So wish me luck on our latest adventure:-) I won't be back next week because of the trip but keep my family in your thoughts because we will be taking a second crack at my mother's catherization on Wednesday the 29th. I will let you know how everything goes in August:-)

Monday, July 13, 2009

I Am Exhausted

That is pretty much how it is going over here....exhausted. Last week's trials with my mother's healthcare has left me spent with little or nothing to give. I tried to blow off some steam this weekend but I fear, it has only delayed the problem.

In my house, we live in a culture of sickness. Her illness permiates the house. Joy is supressed before it even has a chance to flourish by the constant nagging afflictions that she brings us. I am wasting my youth in her decay. From that, my spirit is abating. How can I be in this vocation that I was born with? How did her problems become my fate? I struggle with this everyday. I will be straddled with this corrosion until the day she leaves this earth. By then, I will have been squandered.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Managing Stress

My mother had an abnormal stress test. This has resulted in an echocardiogram Tuesday to see if the valve she had replaced in 2000 is leaking. If it is, she needs surgery. Then on Wednesday, she is having a catherization to find if there are any blockages in her arteries. If there are, she will get a stent or angioplasty or surgery. So, as you can see, I am going to be under a lot of stress over the next couple days.

My job is to get her to her appointments, be there for any questions the doctor has for her, communicate to the family what is going on and make any hard decisions that need to be made. That's quite a bit for one person so, I am implementing all of my stress relieving arsenals that I learned in therapy. Deep breathing. Slow down. Focus. It's pretty scary but, I have been here before and I am sure that I will be back. All of my struggles before will not be in vain if I can maintain myself through this again.

So, if you could find the time to send me some positive energy on Tuesday and Wednesday, I would really appreciate it:-) I have tools but...everyone needs a little help now and then, right?