What happens to a young girl when she witnessed the actual crushing of her mother's spirit? A big hole forms in her center that she can never fill. Not with men. Not with drugs. Not with alcohol and not with food.
That is how my unnatural relationship with food began. I knew at that moment that I no longer had a mother. I knew that I was going to have to figure everything out on my own. I would never have a soft place to fall again. I knew that things would never be right. That I would never be right.
I found myself alone in my room sobbing over a tough day at school. But then, I remembered the Ding Dongs in the cubboard and I downed the box. The smell of the chocolate was soothing. My troubles seemed to float away as the soft cakes melted in my mouth. The hug I needed on the outside was replaced by swallowing the soft cakes; like a hug inside.
But as swiftly as the love came, is how fast it left. Soon after the consumption, I was on the cold tile floor, returning the Ding Dongs from wence it came. Even their comfort came at a price. Why does everything have to be so hard?