Monday, January 4, 2010

How the Fat Girl Ate Susie: Part 1

I remember the day she gave up. She was sitting on the couch, exhausted from taking care of everyone all day. He came home and belittled her because the kid's toys weren't picked up.

"What do you do all day?", he snapped. Cliche now; the straw that broke a mother's spirit then. He didn't know the venom in his words.

She didn't say a word but, you could actually see the shift in her. The white flag of defeat was waving in her eyes. The weight of the world fell off her shoulders. The jovial laugh that shook the house with joy was silenced for good. It was then she resolved to do nothing. It was to show him her value. The problem was she became her resolution; she was nothing.

Nothing was her safe place. If she did nothing, she would not be required to engage anyone. If she didn't engage with anyone, she wouldn't get hurt. But it wasn't enough to do nothing. There had to be a mechanism in which to cope.

Food as her drug of choice. It couldn't be cigarettes or alcohol. Those were his vices and they were dispicable. But food...food was her friend. Food was always there. Food was socially acceptable. Food would always make her feel better. Food numbed the pain.

And so, she stayed on that couch...the couch where the surrender was made. And it was there the legacy began...

5 comments:

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  2. That is a sad story indeed Susie. I can picture more than you in that situation. I was trying to think of what my story would sound like, but, I admit, I have fewer worries than you. The good thing is that since then you seem to have had that a-ha moment when you realized something had to be done. I am proud of you no matter what the outcome my friend! Kari

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  3. This is poignant writing, Sue. However, I just can't see you in this context. With everything you do - taking care of your mom, mothering your 2 girls, working on your blog and various other computer projects (including this one!), your outdoor and indoor gardens, the cupcake competitions, volunteering at Dani's school, being a Daisy leader - there is just no way I see you as planting yourself on the couch and staying there, nor would I ever in a million years use the word "nothing" to describe any aspect of you or your life. If the sofa is part of your daily routine, it's for a much deserved rest! Your list of responsibilities and hobbies exhausts me just thinking about it! Perhaps that is what you mean, though, that some of your "food therapy" problems are a result of being frustrated with not having enough time or energy to take care of yourself after taking care of everything else. Perhaps you need to remove some things from your plate and use the leftover time to find some ways to take care of you. I know that you are frustrated with your weight, but I also know that you are a planner, an organizer, and a doer, and if you set your mind to working on losing weight, success is sure to be in your future!

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  4. It's interesting that you both thought that the woman in the story is me...Although the series is my story, I am not the main character in this exerpt:-)

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  5. Well, I, for one, am quite relieved! I hadn't thought that your self image was so negative, and I also never would have guessed that Jeff would have been so unfeeling!

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