Monday, January 12, 2009

What Kind of Woman Am I?

I pondered this question when I was thinking of ideas for this blog. What kind of woman am I? What kind of woman do I want to be? This is what I came up with:

I have a perfect example of what kind of woman I don't want to be: my mother. She is sickly; I want to be healthy. She is a "Nervous Nelly"; I want to be able to handle things well. She is helpless; I want to be independent. She is weak; I want to be strong. She is an eternal victim; I want to be my own hero. Every decision I have ever made has been in direct reaction to something she is.

It is difficult growing up when your mother is a mess. I didn't have a good example on how things should be done. I didn't have footing...heck I didn't even have a rug to be pulled out from underneath me. All I have ever had is me and myself and I. I have learned everything on my own and I have spent half of my life trying to get the love that I need. In the meantime, everyone else has gotten college educations, great careers and a wonderful start.

Now, don't get me wrong...I am not whinning. I am just recapping in the interest of establishing my point of view. I am the only one out of the five of us who does not have a college education. So, I may be the least eloquent but I am every bit as smart as everyone else. I have a lot to offer from the school of hard knocks. I empathize with other peoples struggles because I have had a least than ideal approach to life.

Now that I have found someone to love me for me, I have the freedom to spread my wings. I don't have to worry about finding a place to belong. I belong here. I no longer have to be the loudest just to be heard. I don't have to be the life of the party to be invited. I don't have to be larger than life just to know that I exist. Now that I am out from under the pain, I am trying to be less narassistic. But, my therapist tells me that a narassist doesn't ask if they are narassistic. Hee, hee, hee.

What I do have to worry about is being the type of woman that my girls can be proud of. And so, what kind of woman am I? I am a loving woman. I am a strong woman. I am a smart woman. I am a creative woman. I am a proud woman. I am a kind woman. I am a nuturing woman. I am a funny woman. I am a determined woman. And these are the descriptions that will lead me forward in addressing you.

6 comments:

  1. I enjoyed my visit here today! Got to get to know who's who on this blog! The word 'German' caught my eye, and then I realized that is about Brenda! Thanks Susie for stopping on my Welcome Alberta post today! Appreciate it! I'll be back!

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  2. I came back because the Lord prompted me that you should have a copy of my poem. Be blessed! Maybe make yourself a bookmark to keep on hand! Just please keep my name and the copyright with it!

    WOW!

    You’re a woman of worth
    Loved perfectly by the Lord!
    Be a woman of wisdom,
    Your life fully based on His Word,
    Be a woman of wealth,
    As you store up eternal treasure!
    Be a woman of warmth
    Giving and loving
    In bountiful measure.
    In valleys, as a woman of weeping
    Discover His wellspring of joy;
    With praises and singing and prayer
    The works of the devil destroy.
    Be a woman of wonder;
    How God is working
    In and through you!
    Let your wisdom and wealth ,
    Bring glory to Him in all that you do.
    Be a woman of worship,
    He alone is worthy of praise!
    In everything giving thanks always
    Your voice of true freedom raise.
    Let your sweet, winning smile,
    Your warm, welcome heart
    Show others what life’s all about!
    Don’t be a woman of worries,
    Or fears, frustrations and doubt.
    It is through Christ
    You CAN do all things,
    His strength is yours
    Each new day on this earth!
    Let no one persuade you
    To think otherwise!
    You are a woman of worth!

    Karin Ristau
    copyright

    Just an aside - I'm an 'elderly' 64 year old who is taking care of my mom who is 89 and moved to a nursing home 3 years ago when she had a leg amputated due to vascular disease! LOL

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  3. That is the best kind of woman you can be.

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  4. That was great Susie!! It's great that you're taking charge of your life and being who you want to be!

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  5. Go Susie! Go! You are woman. Hats off for taking control of your life and changing the pattern set by your mom. Love getting to know you.

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  6. Wow, Susie- It sounds like you are more in touch with who you are than most women in spite of, or perhaps even because of your mother. A college education doesn't necessarily provide you with this type of knowledge.

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