It started off like a normal Saturday night. My husband and I went to a bar on the east side of Milwaukee for a birthday party of a friend of mine. We had a couple beers and some good food but we didn't know a lot of people there. So, we were making our own fun.
My husband had "cruised" this area 20 years ago and we (other authors of this blog included) used to play there 10 years ago. We were exchanging stories and remembering good times. With our hectic life, we don't get to just sit and enjoy each other's company like this very often. It was really nice.
Then, a younger friend showed up. She is the sweetest thing and I really enjoyed talk to her. She took her coat off to stay a while and there they were...her boobs. They were young and perky and cute and saluting. As she went to grab a drink, I whispered to my husband, "I used to have boobs like that". As the mammalian nostalgia was setting in, the biggest freak show in the world walked in the door!!
It started out as just one guy. He was wearing a suit that was covered in little wood planks that were lined up like shingles such that when he jumped up and down, the planks slapped together. He also had on the creepiest (think witch from Snow White) mask. He proceeded to parade around the party...not speaking a word. Just frickin weird but that's not all...
There was like 30 of them! They were all in costumes, all in freaky masks, all walking around and all making weird cooing noises!! I swear to God I am not making this up! It was like a group hallucination! (Note to self: Stay away from the humus next time:-) The girls that we were with were getting really freaked out. So, I switched into mother-mode. I kept telling the freaks to leave the girls alone. I was sitting on a stool and I assured them that I was at "ball height"and could take a shot if need be. Well, need be...check this out:
As the promenade worked its way through the party, a HUGE man in a bear costume filed in. He wasn't a cute and cuddly bear. He was mean looking and he kept bugging the girls. So, I told him to leave the girls alone. That's when he turned on me! First I pushed him with my hands and when that didn't work, I resorted to the crotch kick. It worked but still really frickin freaky.
When things calmed down, I asked the hostess of the party if she had invited them. She is the type of person who knows everyone so I thought maybe it was part of the party. She said that they were uninvited but she also had the answer as to who they were. Apparently, they were celebrating a German Mardi Gras-type holiday called Fastnacht or Fasching. I would love the have Brenda's take on this. Are there customarily bears who attack during this holiday?
So the morals of the story are:
1. The last time I partied on the east side was 10 years ago when my boobs stood at attention.
2. In the event of Fasching, I will turn into a mother hen.
3. And yes, Stephen Colbert, bears do attack!!