Let me start out by saying, this is probably the hardest blog I have written/posted thus far. My husband and I have been married for nearly three years. I will be turning 39 in October and just about every other week these days, we have a quick check in with each other to discuss where we are in terms of moving into another stage in our marriage- becoming a family. It is crunch time. Most of the time, we reconfirm that we are not ready, nor do we want to have children at this time in our lives. We say that we still want them, but, we are going to continue to wait.
To tell you the truth, I am not sure how long we are going to be able to keep it up. If we do decide sometime within the next 3-4 years or so, I believe we would be truly blessed to have children. I believe I honestly want them, but, sometimes, I wonder if it is just the pressures of society that tell me that I should have them. I look at the life that I currently have – I have a career that I love and a relationship with my husband and friends that is good for me and wonder if I would be pushing my luck to move in this direction that every other woman around me seems to have already gone. Another thing that has made me stop and think lately is that I have lost at least 15 pounds recently and I am hesitant to put that and possibly more back on, because I know how much harder I will have to work to take it off.
My friends who are mothers tell me it is worth it, but, I wonder if it would be right for me. I have to admit, I have actually resisted moving forward lately in my career, because I keep thinking, if I were to take on a more managerial position, I probably wouldn’t feel right having a child since I wouldn’t be able to spend time with her or him. I already work 45-50 hrs, plus another 10hrs each week for the commute. My husband and I spend more money than we would if we had a child and a home with a mortgage. I am pretty sure we could handle the mortgage, but, I would have to shift my priorities quite a lot with a child and sometimes I wonder if I could do this without feeling overwhelmed.
I know it would come easily for me- making the change, but, I don’t doubt that I would actually go to the extreme that perhaps, I wouldn’t take much time for myself or my relationship any more. I would have to work to find a balance for this somehow. I know, each woman who has children who is ready is probably saying the things I have heard a hundred times in the past five years or so… No one ever thinks they are ready. But, my question lately is not if I am ready, but, if I am thinking about having kids, because I want them or because I feel I should want them.
To summarize, I am getting the feeling it’s crunch time. If we are going to do this ourselves we are going to have to make the decision within the next 4-5 years. The only other way we could do it after this would be to adopt and I am not sure we are fortunate enough financially to head that direction. I am not sure I am ready to hear advice about this, but, if you feel you have some wisdom to share, I am willing to listen. Keep in mind this is a big decision, so you may want to approach it with some caution.